The Accountants, Webisode 06 “The Memo”

Written by Michael Schur and Paul Lieberstein
Directed by Randall Einhorn

Oscar: So, it isn’t Phyllis, it isn’t Stanley or Jim, it isn’t Meredith, it isn’t any of us.
Angela: We don’t know that.
Kevin: Oh, come on.

Kevin: I didn’t steal $3,000 from petty cash. I am not stupid. If I wanted to steal from this company, there are a lot of easier ways to do it. For example, I could seal people’s coats and sell them on eBay.

Angela: It obviously isn’t Dwight because he has the most integrity of anyone in the office. [both Oscar and Kevin glance over to the camera] What? Did you talk to Kelly?
Oscar: Yes. She said she didn’t do it, then 45 minutes later the conversation ended.
Kevin: I talked to Creed, and he said he didn’t do it. And then he tried to sell me dietary supplements.
Oscar: Okay, enough of this investigation stuff. We just have to put a memo to the office and ask that someone come forward anonymously.
Angela: Fine. I’ll write it.
Kevin: No, I wanna write it.
Angela: No.
Kevin: No. Angela, you never let me write accounting memos.
Angela: Fine. I’ll supervise.
Kevin: Yeah. [Oscar bumps into Kevin as they leave the conference room] God.

Angela: The date should be right-justified. [keys pounding] Right-justified, not left-justified. Do you know what “justified” means?
Kevin: Yeah, as in “justifiable homicide.”
Angela: “To whom it may concern?” Really, Kevin? Really?
Kevin: Fine, then you write it.
Angela: Thank you, it’s just easier this way.

Kevin: I finished my own memo. [The memo reads: “Tuesday To Whom it May Concern: ANGELA STINKS. Kevin Malone, Accounting”] Angela stinks. I mean, I’m not handing it out or anything. And don’t tell her I said it. It’s just for me. In fact, forget that I said anything about it, ever. Oh, God. What have I done? [groans]

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