Written by Michael Schur
Directed by Tucker Gates
Karen: Who are you faxing so early in the morning?
Jim: Oh, umm… kinda hard to explain.
Michael: …thing in the morning. Love to start my morning with a hearty bowl of Jan.
Michael: [singing] Just call me Levinson in the morning, baby.
Jan: I am here to tell you that we are closing the Scranton branch.
Michael: I don’t understand.
Jan: The board voted last night to close your branch.
Michael: On whom’s authority?
Jan: The board’s.
Jan: I’m very sorry. I don’t relish telling you this. You’ve been a big part of this company, and the board asked me to thank you for your years of service.
Michael: You’re welcome.
Jan: A small number of people will be transferred to the Stamford branch, and the rest will be getting severance packages.
Michael: Am I a small number person or a severance package person?
Jan: Well, we haven’t made final decisions about personnel yet. But you’re a severance package person.
Michael: Oh… [burrys head in hands] Oh, my god. Oh, my god! I don’t really get it ’cause we’re not doing that bad and our numbers are gonna come up.
Jan: Well, it’s not all about numbers, Michael.
Jan: It’s… it’s about talent.
Michael: Oh, you gotta be… Josh?
Jan: Our CFO believes that Josh is going to play an important role in our company’s future.
Michael: Oh really, what role is that? King of the stupid universe?
Michael: Don’t say that. That just sounds weird. Please.
Dwight: Sorry. I just feel like we haven’t talked in awhile.
Michael: Well… we have nothin to talk about, Dwight. Just do your work … while you still can.
Jim: Really? Wow… that’s bad.
Andy: Um, sorry… the Scranton branch is closing? [Karen nods and Andy looks at Jim] In your face!
Jim: Well, I work here now.
Andy: Mmmm.. suck-ah!
Michael: Yeah, great! Amazing. Best physical condition of my life.
Pam: What did Jan want?
Michael: Nothing. Just checking in. I can’t tell you, so…
Pam: What can’t you tell me?
Michael: Nothing, Pam.[whispers to himself] What difference does it make? We’ll be gone in a couple of weeks anyway.
Pam: You just said that we’re gonna be gone…?
Michael: Do I have any messages?
Pam: Michael, what’s going on?
Michael: Ok, ok…
Toby: Michael, uh… we shouldn’t be talking about this until all the decisions have been made.
Michael: You knew about this all along, didn’t you?
Toby: Jan told me just a few minutes before she told you.
Michael: Traitor. You are a traitor.
Angela: What about us, Michael? Do we still have jobs?
Michael: I don’t know. Probably not. This is the worst.
Kevin: Well, some of us are fired and a few are going to Connecticut.
Michael: Darryl. Noble Darryl. [sighs]
Darryl: Look, I heard about the office. Tough break.
Michael: I know, I know. Well, I’ll land on my feet. Don’t worry about me.
Darryl: I wasn’t.
Michael: So, you’ll be okay too. You’re a warrior. You’re smart, capable. You’ll find something else and…
Darryl: Actually, Bob Vance bought out the warehouse. So he’s keeping on the whole crew. So, we good.
Pam: Oh, good… you’re bringing Dwight.
Michael: Yes. This might get ugly. I need backup.
Michael: Go to New York, confront the CFO, show him he’s making a mistake… save the branch.
Dwight: Can I drive?
Michael: No… way.
Michael: No. There’s no one else.
Michael: Okay, okay. Um…
Dwight: But, do not worry. I have his home address right [presses cell phone button] here.
Dwight: Christmas card list.
Michael: You sent him cards? You never met him.
Dwight: But when I do, we’ll have something to talk about.
Josh: Sure, what’s up?
Jim: I know it’s not definite or whatever, but uh, do you know who’s coming over here from Scranton?
Josh: I honestly don’t. I don’t know.
Jim: Okay, so is it like sales or… accountants?
Josh: You know what, Jim, I wouldn’t worry about it.
Jim: What does that mean?
Josh: Jan, hey.
Jan: Oh, good. You’re both here. Ready to talk logistics?
Josh: Wow. Uh, sure. Absolutely.
Josh: Excuse me, Jan, I’m sorry… I’m gonna have to stop you there. I, um, will not be taking the job.
Jan: Wha… excuse… why not?
Josh: As of today, I have accepted a senior managment position at Staples.
Jan: You leveraged your new position with us into another offer?
Jan: Damn it, Josh. This whole restructuring thing was based around keeping you. I…
Josh: I’m sorry, all right? It’s done, it’s done.
Jan: I’m gonna make some calls.
Jim: Say what you will about Michael Scott, but he would never do that.
Michael: I will improvise. I will speak from the heart.
Dwight: No. Bad idea. You need an attack plan. Here, I’ll be him, you be you. Let’s practice.
Michael: All right.
Dwight: [as David Wallace] Dum, dum, dum, dum… coming home from work.
M ichael: Excuse me, Mr. Wallace? David Wallace?
Dwight: Yes? What is the meaning of this?
Michael : Can you tell us why you are shutting down Scranton and putting 15 people out of work?
Dwight: Well, the branch is no longer finicially viable. It’s simple dollars and cents.
Michael: Yes, but these are employees, Sir. These are human beings.
Dwight: Listen, Scott… we’re losing money, okay? It’s not a charity; it’s a business. And it’s a dying business.
Michael: [no longer talking to Dwight as Wallace] Stop… stop it! Just, okay. He’s not going to say any of that.
Dwight: [as himself] Whoa hey, why not?
Michael: Because he’d be intimidated and I, just… let’s start again. Just be more scared of me, okay?
Michael: Don’t touch me this time.
Dwight: [as David Wallace] Dum, dum, dum, du, doy, du, do… coming home from work…
Michael: Excuse me, Mr. Wallace?
Dwight: [frightened] Uh!
Jan: And I know that you just left there a couple of months ago, but we would like to offer you the number two position at that branch.
Jim: Thank you.
Jim: No, it’s just I’m not sure if I um… well to be quite honest with you, Jan, I have a few unpleasant memories of Scranton. And um…
Jim: No. No, no. Just um… some personal stuff. And I’m not really ready to revist that, I don’t think.
Jan: Ah. Well, please think about it. And call me. We will do whatever we can to get you to stay.
Kevin: Where are we going?
Phyllis: I thought maybe DJ’s.
Kevin: How about Cugino’s?
Angela: I don’t want to go all the way to Dunmore.
Kevin: How ’bout Cooper’s then?
Angela: No seafood.
Kevin: But, I don’t want to go to DJ’s.
Angela: Oh, now all of a sudden you get picky?
Phyllis: Okay, forget it. [walks away]
Michael: [takes bottle and cleans off cap with his tie]
Pam: He’s not here. I don’t know where he is.
Jan: [looks around, noticing that no one is working] Wha… what’s going on here?
Phyllis: We know the branch is closing; Michael told us.
Jan: Ah, god. Okay. You know what everybody? I’m sure there is a better way to do this but I’ve drive something like 400 miles today and I’m completely exhausted so I’m just gonna tell you. Your branch is not closing; Stamford is closing. Um, for the time being, it seems that all your jobs are safe.
Kevin: Yes! [hugs Angela]
Jan: Well, reasons are not important. Would you just call him, please? Wherever he is… and tell him.
Pam: Sure, uh, Jan… um, do you know, is anyone coming back to Scranton?
Pam: Coming to Scranton. Is anyone coming to Scranton?
Jan: Uh, we don’t know. Probably. A few.
Michael: The office.
Dwight: Gonna get it?
Michael: No, not until I have some good news for them. Not until I have some good news.
Ryan: Is Jim coming back.
Pam: That’s, um… I hadn’t thought about it, huh.
Ryan: I just don’t want it to be weird, you know? I mean, I took his old job and his old desk.
Pam: Yeah, that might be weird. Overall though, we still all have our jobs… so, good news, right?
Ryan: Oh, yeah, totally.
Kelly: Ahhhhh! [hugs Ryan] I’m so happy we don’t have to break up now, Ryan! [kisses him] This is the best day of my whole l ife!
Jim: I really don’t know. How you doing with all this?
Karen: You know, I’m fine. I’ll be better when I know if I have a job.
Jim: You’d actually move to Scranton?
Karen: Yeah, if they let me, I think I… I think I would.
Jim: New York City is 45 minutes down the road from here. And you wanna move to Scranton? I dunno. If I were you I’d move to New York?
Karen: Yeah, you know… I might do that. I, who knows? I… I might do that.
Andy: [after screaming and throwing papers around in the kitchen] What’s up, Josh?
Josh: I just want to say thanks. Good luck.
Andy: Thanks, man. You, too. Totally.
Dwight: Nothing. [puts down binoculars]
Michael: What if this doesn’t work? What is the office actually goes under?
Dwight: Then it was an honor to have worked with you.
Michael: [pats Dwight and sighs] All right, favorite moments in Dunder-Mifflin history. Go.
Dwight: My first day when you hazed me by spraying me with a fire extinguisher.
Michael: That was hilarious. The foam …
Dwight: Uh,… my first sale, my promotion to assistant regional manager, our basketball game, when you took me to the hospital, and told me that you cared about me.
Michael: Oh, right. Okay, that’s enough. That’s good.
Dwight: What were your favorite moments?
Michael: Oh, hmm, all of them. I loved them all. Every single one.
Dwight: What about when Jan said the branch was closing?
Michael: God, Dwight!
Dwight: Well, it doesn’t…
Pam: No thanks, guys.
Kevin: All right.
Pam: Have fun though.
Phyllis: Hey, I hear Jim’s coming back.
Pam: Really? Where did you hear that?
Phyllis: I was…
Kevin: [interupting] Hey Ryan, you coming?
Ryan: Uh yeah, we’ll meet you there.
Kevin: Awesome. Let’s go, Phyllis.
Phyllis: [to Pam] I’ll tell you later.
Roy: Yeah, man! I’m uh… I’m really glad you’re still gonna be working here.
Pam: Yeah, me too.
Karen: Okay, yeah. Maybe I will.
Dwight: [picks up his beeping cell phone]
Michael: Oh, this was such a stupid idea! This was so stupid. I am such a stupid idiot. I let everybody down. Everybody hates me. I lost everybody’s jobs. Nobody likes me anymore!
Dwight: [on the phone] Oh my God!
Dwight:: Stranford is closed! Michael, we’re not closed. Stamford is closed. Stamford is closed.
Michael: We did it? We did it.
Dwight: We did it!
Michael and Dwight: We did it! We did it!
Michael: Right here! Right here! [pounds his chest against Dwight’s]
Michael and Dwight: Ouu! Ou! Ouu! Ouu!
Michael: Yeah, baby!
Dwight: In your face!
Michael: We did it!
Dwight: Oh, man.
Michael: How did we do it?
Dwight: I don’t … have no idea.
Michael: I don’t understand.